New Beginnings (With a Side of Redundancy)

Someone who has already made a significant personal impact on my outlook in life within the short time I have known them encouraged me to write more. Well, here you go Mark.

I always knew I was a little different, at least from a social perspective. I talked all about my journey through introverted self-discovery here. It’s still changing every day though. My life to me is about more than buzzwords like introvert and other self-descriptors. It’s about what I have become, what I’ve done and what I will do. I believe that each of us is nothing more, nor less, than a complete summation of what happens to us in life, and more importantly, how we react to it. Simple as that.

Life is good. I force myself to use that phrase on a regular basis, in part because it’s true and in part because nobody wants to hear about your personal struggles you wrestled with at two in the morning when they haven’t even had their morning coffee yet. I think that the reason everyone is so paranoid with social media is all we ever see is the bright and shining moments of other people’s lives, and as a result we feel like we need to measure up to a false standard set by whatever Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat stories tell us we’re not currently experiencing. Very few people discuss their trials and tribulations via these mediums, because it’s depressing and nobody likes that. Just like nobody answers truthfully when a store clerk asks you how you’re doing when you’re going through a checkout line. They obviously don’t want to hear about your problems, so why in the world would we think our e-followers would? No time for that noise.

It’s weird how different people’s reactions are when someone shares something honest and from the heart, especially when it’s not a copy/paste answer on a Monday morning about how their weekend went, or whatever. A common reaction is to be caught off guard. That wasn’t one of the agreed upon cookie-cutter responses, what do I say?? Another is to diffuse it, let it fizzle out quickly. A quick response, short and sweet, yeah that ought to do it.

Why aren’t we asking more questions?

I’ve annoyed so many people in my life by asking them questions. People very close to me at times who eventually snap, sooner or later. If you’re one of those people, “my bad.” It’s something I should probably learn to pick and choose accordingly, but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m naturally curious about other people’s lives, mostly because I hate talking about my own. My inclination to be overly humble to the point of regular self-deprecation has been ingrained in me from a young age, and I have no idea why. For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled making eye contact with people, I’m often caught hanging me head a bit by default, and I have no idea how to take a compliment. It’s sad but I’m trying to work on it, being an adult and all now, all grown up in the “real world.”

What is the “real world” anyways? If something is real to someone, whatever it may be, than that’s their real world, isn’t it?

Ignore my undying love for the life-changing adventure that was the Harry Potter book and film series. This quote is everything to me and my understanding of how my life works. I’ve been a “thinker” from the beginning, and this spells it all out. My head is where my reality lies…which is significant, because in the end, I alone ultimately control what goes on up there. It’s why strange (or what people tell me are more like “sad/depressing”) things can happen, like standing in a room full of people and not feeling any sort of social connection at times, wishing I was elsewhere despite being surrounded by all kinds of merriment. Sometimes I get stuck up in my head wishing I could escape. Other times I’m there on vacation, with no plans to leave any time soon.

I don’t have definitive plans for what I’m going to use this site for yet. Most likely filling it with archives-worth full of thoughts. It’s something I probably should have been doing all my life, instead of letting the majority of it all fill up shelves upon shelves of brain space. Because what happens is, once the archives are over capacity, there overflow takes up valuable present-tense space. Space I need for staying in the moment, pursuing hobbies and interests, and enjoying the little things in life.

So why am I here, telling you all this? Point blank, this is me stating publicly that I’m trying to pick up old habits again. The good ones. Reading, writing, working out, practicing guitar, studying new topics and foreign languages for no reason and all sorts of randomness that keeps my brain on its toes. Along the way I hope I’ll find other hidden gems, if I’m lucky. I’m on my own with respect to a great number of aspects of my life right now. Maybe not as many as I think…guess there’s only one way to find out.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste. I have no intention of letting any dust gather.